Scotch Eggs

Three months later, and I'm still regretting the four Scotch eggs left in the fridge at the Theatre of Food kitchen in Electric Picnic when we were packing up. They were bought from the ladies of the Stradbally Country Market, and I know exactly how delicious they were.

The regret is because of the knowledge that I’ll never be able to make those Scotch eggs at home. My first cookery lesson, aged about ten, was with an elderly great aunt. She showed me how to cook Scotch eggs. I still remember the broken bits of pork which allowed the already-used deep frying oil to seep right in to the heart of the mixture, the clagging heaviness of the dark-ringed, over-cooked yolk, the sheer unpleasantness of it all.

And yet, I love Scotch eggs. People complain about Scotch eggs, but the object of their ire is the industrialised versions that have demeaned a great staple. My memories are of the home-made Scotch egg.

(Disclaimer: these are my views, and not the views of my collaborators. This year’s Bridgestone Guides are full of delighted descriptions of the most extra-ordinary Scotch eggs, cooked by chefs all over the country. The staple of the British pub industry has gotten posh, and gone traveling. The rules about making Scotch eggs are not just being bent, they are being broken, as we speak. Scotch eggs have become critical darlings around here. I'm not convinced.)

I'm not convinced, because there are several rules about Scotch eggs that don’t – and can't –  concur with the gourmet improvisations:

1. Scotch eggs should never be served warm. Nooo. They should be fridge cold. Let’s face it, this dish is already way too rich. Chilling it masks some of the fattiness.

2. Runny yolk??? No way! Sorry, but that is taking things far too far. While the yolk certainly shouldn’t be over-cooked, it must be set. This makes the taste and texture cleaner and more palatable.

2. Don’t make them, buy them. Sealing the pork before you hit the deep fat fryer is something that should be left in the hands of experts.

2. Buy from a butcher. They understand short order cooking. This is not a gourmet dish.

3. Eat a Scotch egg either standing up, on a beach, or in the car. This is portable, zappy food for people on the go.

4. A Scotch egg should never be accompanied by frizzy lettuce. In fact it shouldn’t be accompanied by anything. It is a meal in itself, albeit a high protein one. Eat an apple afterwards.

5. A Scotch egg should never be eaten in a restaurant setting. This last rule is the most important. A restaurant is going to do the opposite of all these rules. Your egg will have a runny centre, will be sealed in something very, very rich, possibly not even pork and, worse still, it will be warm, and garnished.

So, given that I left my Scotch eggs in the fridge at Stradbally, and there’s a lot of talk about Scotch eggs in our house at the moment, what am I going to make? Try these crispy euphemistically-named Son-in-Law Eggs from Thailand.

Son-in-Law Eggs

6 eggs
oil for deep and shallow frying
3 spring onions, sliced
1 red chilli, finely diced
4 tablespoons fish sauce
2 tablespoons sugar

Simmer the eggs for 7 minutes. Then plunge immediately into cold water. Peel when cold. Heat deep-frying oil to 180ºC.
Put a film of oil into a frying pan and fry the sliced spring onion over a high heat until slightly brown and crispy. Remove the onion, leaving a little oil in the pan. Turn down the heat, add the finely diced chilli. Turn over in the heat and then add the fish sauce and the sugar.
Cook, stirring over a low heat until the sugar has dissolved, then turn up the heat and stir until it has thickened slightly - be careful not to turn up too high or you'll caramelise the sugar.
Meanwhile deep fry the eggs, whole, in the deep-frying oil, until crispy.
To serve, slice the eggs in half, and sprinkle with the sauce. Eat immediately.